Here's one anyway:
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while.. What happened?? You look terrible.'
'What do you mean?' said the pirate. 'I feel fine.'
'What about the wooden leg?? You didn't have that before.'
'We were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'
'OK, but what about that hook?? What happened to your hand?
'In another battle I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off and I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really.'
'What about that eye patch?'
'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.'
'You're kidding. You lost an eye from bird shit?
'Well, it was my first day with the hook'
Life is Good
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Thread: Joke of the Day
09-30-2009, 02:18 AM #1
Joke of the Day1998 Mobius
310 HP PCM
09-30-2009, 04:58 PM #2
Thanks Ed. I thought maybe we were getting some off color jokes. It's usually in the first page or two.1998 Mobius
310 HP PCM
09-30-2009, 07:29 PM #3
The old man had a bad car accident involving a large truck. Weeks later,
in court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning him.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the
The old man responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just
put my dog into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the
question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
The old man said, "Well, I just got the dog into the car and was driving
down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after
the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in the old man's answer
and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
The old man thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, like I was saying, I
had just loaded my dog into the car and was driving him down the highway
when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my
truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and the dog was
thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move.
However, I heard the dog moaning and groaning. I knew he was in terrible
shape just by his groans.
Then a Highway Patrolman came along. He could hear the dog moaning and
groaning so he went over to him. After he looked at him, and saw what
terrible condition the dog was in, he took out his gun and shoots him
between the eyes. Then the Patrolman comes across the road, gun still in
hand, looks at me and says, "How you feeling?"
"Now, Judge... what would YOU say?"
Last edited by moombadaze; 11-04-2009 at 10:33 AM.Hey, Its Moomba time
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life is about finding the balance between being a responsible adult and staying young at heart
10-23-2009, 04:44 PM #4
Ed, stealing my joke? I posted that on here a month ago. (but yours did sound a little better)
10-26-2009, 12:32 PM #5
Did you hear what happened when the Obamas were out in the backyard of the White house tossing the football around? Obama won the Heismann trophy. Then he drove across town to show it to Henry Louis Gates and on the way he was awarded the NASCAR Sprint Cup.My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
2000 Outback LS (sold)
10-26-2009, 01:12 PM #6
A couple in there 60s where at home one night. The wife came walkng into the living room stark naked and asked if he liked her outfit? The husband looked at her and asked "what are you wearing?" The wife replied "my Love dress!" The husband replied "it realy needs to be ironed"Malo <--- Means--Evil or Mean One. This explains a lot.
2013 Mojo 2.5 Skylon Tower. Bestia < Beast >
11-08-2012, 02:41 PM #7
Obama is our president.
Joke of the day... Get it? Lol
Sent from my Duhroid
PWI as usual...
11-08-2012, 05:20 PM #8
11-08-2012, 03:52 PM #9
11-08-2012, 04:07 PM #10
2006 Supra 24SSV