Page 11 of 20 FirstFirst ... 910111213 ... LastLast
Results 101 to 110 of 200

Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #101
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Vancouver, WA
    Posts
    3,807

    Default

    yeah, but who's counting?

    Old enough to know better, young enough to do it anyway.

    2001 MobiusV

  2. #102
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Fort Worth
    Posts
    1,408

    Default

    ^^^^^^ bahhh haaaa haaaaa!
    '08 Mobius LS

  3. #103
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    s.e. washington state
    Posts
    2,062

    Default

    2 Polish Moose Hunters....

    Two Polish hunters got a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big bull moose.

    As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one moose.

    The hunters strongly objected saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both... and he had exactly the same airplane as yours."

    Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded. However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.

    Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Yanush and Stashek survived the crash.

    After climbing out of the wreckage, Yanush asked Stashek, "'Any idea where we are?"



    Stashek replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year!"
    1998 Mobius
    310 HP PCM

  4. #104
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Grayson, Georgia
    Posts
    1,064

    Default

    Wow the above is Turkish. Welcome our fellow Turkey member.
    -Mark
    2005 LSV
    Tow w/:
    Volkswagen Touareg V8
    Mods: Stereo, Stainless Cup Holders and Thru Hulls, Chrome Steering Wheel, EZ Nets, Moomba Etched Cleats

    "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, bc your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."

    -John Wooden

  5. #105
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Grayson, Georgia
    Posts
    1,064

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bergermaister View Post
    yeah, but who's counting?

    That is hilarious.
    -Mark
    2005 LSV
    Tow w/:
    Volkswagen Touareg V8
    Mods: Stereo, Stainless Cup Holders and Thru Hulls, Chrome Steering Wheel, EZ Nets, Moomba Etched Cleats

    "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, bc your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."

    -John Wooden

  6. #106
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Vancouver, WA
    Posts
    3,807

    Default Hell explained by chemistry student

    Been around, but a funny read on a boring day...

    The following is (supposedly) an actual question given on a
    Louisiana State University chemistry mid-term.
    The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that
    the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
    Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
    pleasure of enjoying it as well :

    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off
    heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
    using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and
    heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
    One student, however, wrote the following:
    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
    changing in time. So we need to know the rate at
    which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
    which they are leaving. I think that we can safely
    assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not
    leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
    many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the
    different religions that exist in the world today.
    Most of these religions state that if you are not
    a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
    Since there is more than one of these religions and
    since people do not belong to more than one
    religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
    With birth and death rates as they are, we can
    expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
    exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
    the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that
    in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to
    stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
    proportionately as souls are added.
    This gives two possibilities:
    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
    rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
    breaks loose.
    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
    increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
    pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
    So which is it?
    If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
    during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into
    account the fact that I slept with her last night,
    then number two must be true, and thus I am sure
    that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
    The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has
    frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any
    more souls and is therefore, extinct…...leaving
    only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
    divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa
    kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’
    THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
    Old enough to know better, young enough to do it anyway.

    2001 MobiusV

  7. #107
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Minnesota and Wisconsin
    Posts
    1,115

    Default

    Not to be a kill-joy - my wife laughed at this and this is a feat unto itself - but here:
    http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp
    If you believe something to be true, it will be - in it's consequences.
    http://bensonwdby.home.comcast.net/

    1999 Mobius - DD - 5.7L Carb - Perfect Pass

  8. #108
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    s.e. washington state
    Posts
    2,062

    Default

    Escaped Convict

    A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.


    While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck."
    If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you.
    Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."


    To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
    1998 Mobius
    310 HP PCM

  9. #109
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Rosharon, Texas
    Posts
    284

    Default

    Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE.

    CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG WITH THAT SIR?

    Cowboy: NAH ... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!
    2004 Ski Nautique 196 LE
    67" HO Syndicate A3 w/ Radar Strata Bindings

    Stay STACKED & Pull HARD!!!

  10. #110
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,054

    Default Sunday Quickie

    Sunday Quickie

    A couple who lived in a very small high rise apartment knew
    that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their
    8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle
    and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

    He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

    "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.

    "An ambulance just drove by!"

    "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

    "Matt's riding a new bike!"

    "Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

    "Jason is on his skate board!"

    After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!"

    Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out,
    "How do you know they're having sex?"

    "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •