Turns out - not reality. Never trust the inter-web
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Thread: Joke of the Day
12-19-2012, 07:55 PM #141If you believe something to be true, it will be - in it's consequences.
1999 Mobius - DD - 5.7L Carb - Perfect Pass
01-31-2013, 11:09 AM #142
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied,
`I cannot accept money from you, I`m doing community service this week.`
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a `thank you` card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied,
`I cannot accept money from you , I`m doing community service this week.`
The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a `thank you` card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied,
`I can not accept money from you. I`m doing community service this week.`
The Congressman was very happy and left the shop..
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were 43 more Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
02-01-2013, 08:23 PM #143
Good one Kane. That says it all.1998 Mobius
310 HP PCM
02-21-2013, 12:46 PM #144
A must read for Grandparents..
(Those who aren't will love it, too.)
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?' The little boy nodded 'yes'.
'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, di**head or a$$hole. Do you understand all that?'
The little boy nodded 'yes' again.
He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach "a dumb a$$ or sh**head" is it?'
The little boy shook his head 'NO'.
'GOOD', said the coach.. 'Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother!'2001 MobiusV
02-22-2013, 12:08 AM #145
I become confused when I hear the
word "Service" used with these agencies:
Internal Revenue 'Service'
US Postal 'Service'
Cable TV 'Service'
Federal, State, City, & public 'Service'
This is NOT what I thought 'Service' meant.
But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one
of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.
BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what
all those agencies are doing to us.
You are now as enlightened as I.1998 Mobius
310 HP PCM
02-22-2013, 10:25 AM #146
This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.
. . . Now I'm afraid to pee.My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
03-04-2013, 03:57 PM #147
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway just outside Washington, D.C.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls it down and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire U.S. Congress," said the man. "They're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We're going from car to car collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."1998 Mobius
310 HP PCM
05-13-2013, 05:00 PM #148
Not quite a joke but still cracked me up-
05-16-2013, 09:04 AM #149
The difference between the Supreme Court and the Ku Klux Klan is that the members of the Supreme Court dress in black robes and scare white people.My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
05-29-2013, 10:09 AM #150
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Dakota prairies without water.
His horse had already died of thirst. He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull grey dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie,
'You know how I work....You have three wishes.'
'I'm not falling for this,' said the cowboy,
'I'm not going to trust an IRS genie.'
'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.
'OK! I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and drink.'
The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever seen, and he's surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'
'My second wish is that I was rich ....
beyond my wildest dreams.'
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish.
Better make it a good one!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says,
'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'
He was turned into a tampon.
Moral of the story:
If the U.S. government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!