Well, time to do something about that:
1. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class yesterday. The Principal explained it had to be done -- because it was a weapon of math disruption.
2. She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
3. What's a golfer's favorite animal?
Why, the lynx of course.
4. There once was a king who lived in two-story grass hut. Every holiday the king demanded to be given a new throne as a gift. As soon as a new throne arrived, he would store the old throne on the second level of his hut and use the new one instead. But one day the hut collapsed from the weight of all the thrones, and everyone was crushed and killed.
The moral of this story? Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
5. Why do fish live in saltwater?
Pepper makes them sneeze.
A man was waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor came and informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!
But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. 21 years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso popped out!
The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" The bartender shook his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Two arms popped out!
The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender ignored the whole affair.
By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands, he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of it.
Swoooop! Two legs popped out.
The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy stood up on his new legs. He stumbled to the left. He stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the front door and into the street, where a truck ran him over.
The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The bartender merely sighed and said, "He should have quit while he was a head."
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Thread: Joke of the Day
08-14-2013, 09:30 AM #11My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
2000 Outback LS (sold)