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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #161
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    Well, time to do something about that:

    1. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class yesterday. The Principal explained it had to be done -- because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    2. She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.

    3. What's a golfer's favorite animal?
    Why, the lynx of course.

    4. There once was a king who lived in two-story grass hut. Every holiday the king demanded to be given a new throne as a gift. As soon as a new throne arrived, he would store the old throne on the second level of his hut and use the new one instead. But one day the hut collapsed from the weight of all the thrones, and everyone was crushed and killed.

    The moral of this story? Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

    5. Why do fish live in saltwater?
    Pepper makes them sneeze.


    Bonus joke:

    A man was waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor came and informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!

    But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. 21 years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.

    Swoooop! A torso popped out!

    The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" The bartender shook his head in dismay.

    Swoooop! Two arms popped out!

    The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender ignored the whole affair.

    By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands, he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of it.

    Swoooop! Two legs popped out.

    The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy stood up on his new legs. He stumbled to the left. He stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the front door and into the street, where a truck ran him over.

    The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The bartender merely sighed and said, "He should have quit while he was a head."
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
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  2. #162
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    Quote Originally Posted by kaneboats View Post
    Well, time to do something about that....
    and you did....

    haha. Was thinking the same thing, that the last few posts have been pretty darn funny.
    '00 Moomba Kamberra
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  3. #163
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    Married Communication:

    A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6."

    A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

    The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

    He replies, "They had avocados."
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  4. #164
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    Why Sharks Circle Before Attacking...

    Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
    "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

    "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
    And they did.

    "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
    And they did.

    "Now we eat everybody."
    And they did.

    When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

    His wise father replied, "Because they taste better if you scare the $hit out of them first!"
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
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  5. #165
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    David Letterman may not get any flack from NASCAR, but I'll bet he does get some 'flack' from the NAACP, and others such as Al Sharpton and the Rev. Jackson will absolutely go nuts.

    ******

    ******* David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:

     

    **** # 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.

    ******

    ******* # 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.

    ******

    ******* # 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.

    ******

    ******* # 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.

    ******

    ******* # 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.

    ******

    ******* # 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.

    ******

    ******* # 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.

    ******

    ******* # 3 - No Cadillac’s approved for competition.

    ******

    ******* # 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.

    *

    AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T DRIVE IN NASCAR...

    ******

    ******* # 1 - They can't wear their helmets sideways.


    PWI as usual...

  6. #166
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    DFW
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    Default Joke of the Day

    Matt
    2012 LSV
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    FAE

  7. #167
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    Still funny!
    A Day at the Lake...Priceless
    A Day in Powder...Endless


    Joe V
    2012 Möbius XLV~ Loaded & Exiled
    2007 Outback V ~ sold

  8. #168
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    Here is what is funny - stereotypes assign specific attributes to a large population, generally negative.. They are everywhere for every race, national origin, gender, religion. Perhaps also there is the stereotype that if you find humor in jokes about stereotypes - then you are a bigot. Kind of a Mobius Strip - http://www.math.hmc.edu/~gu/curves_a...s/moebius.html
    See how I tied this in to a context relevant comment (Mobius).
    Personally I find sterotypical jokes about old white married guys pretty funny - because I can identify with them at a certain level and I can laugh at myself.
    If you believe something to be true, it will be - in it's consequences.
    http://bensonwdby.home.comcast.net/

    1999 Mobius - DD - 5.7L Carb - Perfect Pass

  9. #169
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    I'm kind of a suburban gangsta so I laughed at about half of those. The gun under the seat was pretty good but there were some obvious ones and idiotic ones so it sounded a lot like a real Top Ten list. I kind of remember Dale Jarret being on there-- must have been a long time ago because I haven't watched it in over 10 years (Winston Cup name was changed to NEXTEL in 2003).
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  10. #170
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    Jul 2013
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    Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
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    Default

    Good point.
    Not sure if this meets forum policy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Woody929 View Post
    2008 Moomba Mobius LSV Ballast III (stock), Heater, Roswell Quad Spin Pro, Bimini

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