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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #91
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Vancouver, WA
    Posts
    4,252

    Default

    "Ugly Fingers McGee" - sounds like some Scottish Criminal.

    Hmmm - I'm thinking Big Pickles Johnson.
    Old enough to know better, young enough to do it anyway.

    2001 MobiusV

  2. #92
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Arkansas
    Posts
    651

    Default

    aka Sticky Dog Dupree

  3. #93
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Vancouver WA
    Posts
    2,633

    Default

    Skinny Foot Thompkins

    I'm going to go with Happy Hips Johnson.


    PWI as usual...

  4. #94
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    s.e. washington state
    Posts
    2,119

    Default

    Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, with a warning from the Mother Superior not to get even a drop of paint on their habits.

    After conferring about this, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked.

    In the middle of the project, there's a knock at the door.

    "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

    "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

    The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room.

    They open the door..

    "Nice boobs," says the man. "Where do you want the blinds?"
    1998 Mobius
    310 HP PCM

  5. #95
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Vancouver, WA
    Posts
    4,252

    Default The Cat In The Hat On Aging

    Old enough to know better, young enough to do it anyway.

    2001 MobiusV

  6. #96
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,389

    Default Another Ole & Sven

    Ole is a farmer in Minnie-sota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears
    about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be North Dakota for
    non-Scandahoovians out there).
    He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches
    under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls, the cow
    farts.
    Ole is very surprised. He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then
    reaches under the cow to try again.
    He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out
    however, so after some discussion with the cow's owner, Ole decides to buy
    the cow and takes it home.
    When he gets back to Minnie-sota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says,
    'Hey, Sven, come look at dis ere new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and
    see vat happens.'
    Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts.
    Sven looks at Ole and says, 'You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't
    yah?'
    Ole is very surprised since he had not told Sven about his trip.
    Ole replies, 'Yah, dats right. But how'd yah know?'
    Sven says, 'My wife's from Nordakota.'
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  7. #97
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,389

    Default My new free isp

    Open the link and then click on the "Get Started" button.

    http://www.google.com/onceuponatime/tisp/
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  8. #98
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,389

    Default

    A couple were celebrating 50 years together..

    Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a
    Sunday dinner in their honor.

    "Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number
    one. 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a
    patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

    "Not to worry," said the father. "The important
    thing is that we're all together today."

    Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom
    look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and
    didn't have time to shop for you."

    "It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you
    were able to come."

    Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy
    anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was
    really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."

    After they had finished dessert, the father said,
    "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long
    time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each
    of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we
    loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get
    married."

    The three children gasped and all said, "You mean
    we're bastards?"

    "Yep," said the father. "And cheap ones too."
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  9. #99
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,389

    Default This is fun and only takes a second- try it:

    After he stops running move the cursor arrow to just above his head and see what happens. Funny.


    http://www.selfcontrolfreak.com/pakken.html
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  10. #100
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    s.e. washington state
    Posts
    2,119

    Default

    Texas hunting laws

    A Coloradan and a Texan were hunting in the Hill Country when an illegal alien runs across the field.

    The Texan takes careful aim, shoots, and kills him.

    "You can't do that!" cried the Coloradan.

    "No, no, it's legal here in Texas " replies the Texan.

    Later that night the Coloradan goes and buys some beer and puts it on the roof of his truck to open the door.

    Just then an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer, and runs away.
    The Coloradan thinks "No problem" draws his pistol, shoots, and kills him.

    As he is getting his beer the police come and arrest him.

    "But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in
    Texas !" protests the Coloradan.

    "Well yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."
    1998 Mobius
    310 HP PCM

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