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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #201
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,386

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    A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking hobo who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, you won't buy beer with it instead of dinner?"
    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the hobo replied.
    "Well, you won't do something crazy like spend the money on golf instead of food?" the man asked.
    "Are you NUTS!" replied the hobo. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
    "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
    The hobo was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious for bringing me to your house?
    The man replied, "No worries. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  2. #202
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,386

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    The Male Mind?????

    A husband went to police station to report his missing wife.

    Husband: I've lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.

    Sergeant: What is her height?
    Husband: Oh, 5 something . .

    Sergeant: Build?
    Husband: Not slim, not really fat.

    Sergeant: Color of eyes?
    Husband: Uh, never noticed.

    Sergeant: Color of hair?
    Husband: Changes-- according to season, I think.

    Sergeant: What was she wearing?
    Husband: Dress/suit/blue jeans -- I don't remember exactly.

    Sergeant: Did she go in a car?
    Husband: Yes.

    Sergeant: What kind of car was it?
    Husband: 2015 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package, shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.

    . . . . . . .
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  3. #203
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Vancouver, WA
    Posts
    4,243

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    NEW OUTBREAK, worse than Ebola, Beware

    Old enough to know better, young enough to do it anyway.

    2001 MobiusV

  4. #204
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Katy, TX
    Posts
    4,230

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    Quote Originally Posted by bergermaister View Post
    NEW OUTBREAK, worse than Ebola, Beware

    I like it! In fact I think I am going to have to share this one on FB.
    David

    2008 Mobius LSV, Gravity III , Wake Plate, Z5, Exile SX65c's, Exile XM9s, Exile XI12D, Exile Harpoon, Exile SM600.1 , Exile Xi800.4.

  5. #205
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Land O Lakes, Florida
    Posts
    5,908

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    Hey, Its Moomba time

    13 Mobius LSV
    08 Mobius LSV-sold
    03 Mobius LSV-sold
    life is about finding the balance between being a responsible adult and staying young at heart

  6. #206
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Vancouver, WA
    Posts
    4,243

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    From my dad....


    Subject: It has already started at Dick's Sporting Goods



    When I was ready to pay for my purchases of bullets, the cashier said,
    "Strip down, facing me.

    Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control
    wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

    When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out
    that she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the
    card-reader.

    I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

    They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer.

    I still don't think I looked that bad.
    Old enough to know better, young enough to do it anyway.

    2001 MobiusV

  7. #207
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Naperville, IL || North Scott Lake, MI
    Posts
    725

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    LOL -- is that a true story?? I could easily see that happening.....
    Mike

    2013 Outback V
    2003 SeaRay 182 -- gone but not forgotten...

  8. #208
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Vancouver, WA
    Posts
    4,243

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    I seriously doubt it but you never know with my dad...
    Old enough to know better, young enough to do it anyway.

    2001 MobiusV

  9. #209
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,386

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    EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 60 !


    Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

    With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

    Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

    After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

    Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

    After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  10. #210
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,386

    Default

    EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 60 !


    Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

    With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

    Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

    After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

    Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

    After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



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