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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #41
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    Born a Lutheran

    Each Friday night after work,Ole would fire up his outdoor grill on the shore of Big Stone Lake and cook a venison steak. But, all of Ole's neighbors were Catholic... And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

    The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks wafted over Ortonville all the way to Clinton , and was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

    The Priest came to visit Ole, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Ole attended Mass.....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Lutheran, and raised a Lutheran, but now you are a Catholic."

    Ole's neighbors were relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

    The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors,and, as he rushed into Ole's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

    There stood Ole, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You vuz born a deer, you vuz raised a deer, but now you is a walleye pike."
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  2. #42
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    Default Perfect Bartender

    A Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

    The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini."
    The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says," 168." The robot then... proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

    The guy leaves, but he is curious...So he goes back into the bar.

    The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

    The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar.

    The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
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  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by kaneboats View Post
    A Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

    The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini."
    The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says," 168." The robot then... proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

    The guy leaves, but he is curious...So he goes back into the bar.

    The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

    The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar.

    The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"

    ROFL. that's hilarious. not sure about anyone on this board but I can't find anyone who voted for that guy. i dont even know how he got elected!
    David

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  4. #44
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    Look, it's a joke. Please keep the political commentary on the political boards. Thanks!
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
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  5. #45
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    Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.

    Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

    Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

    ___________________________________________

    A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my Intelligence come from?'

    The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, Cause I still have mine.'

    ___________________________________________

    'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

    'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and Then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

    ___________________________________________

    A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room,

    took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife At all.'

    'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really Good with the kids.'

    ___________________________________________

    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has Been living with for the last 40 years.

    The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words That were used to put the curse on you.'

    The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

    ___________________________________________

    Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

    1. The DNA all matches.

    2. There are no dental records.

    ___________________________________________

    A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll
    Take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'

    The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

    'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

    ___________________________________________

    Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

    'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

    'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

    'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'

    'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

    ___________________________________________

    Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

    Joe: 'Really?'

    Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

    ___________________________________________

    A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and Asks him how he is feeling.

    'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in Surgery,' he answered.

    'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

    'Oops!'

    ___________________________________________

    While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display Of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's Advice.

    'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

    'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

    He's still in intensive care.

    ___________________________________________
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  6. #46
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    hahahahahaha. i stole the blonde one for a facebook status
    David

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  7. #47
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    a little prunning just happened here-fyi. keep the good clean jokes coming

    Mod squad
    Last edited by moombadaze; 03-02-2011 at 01:15 PM.
    Hey, Its Moomba time

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  8. #48
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    Seriously? I didn't use any bad words. nothing worse then i have seen posted by another moderator.

    If its content then i can understand but then id like to see more of the same prunning done with other posts.
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  9. #49
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    This has been coming for a while; it has nothing to do with who posted. Note to all for the future-- raunchy stuff will be pruned. This remains a family oriented site. You have the whole internet to use for the other stuff.
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
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  10. #50
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    A young boy once asked his grandfather "What would I be born if I was not born a Texan?"

    The grandfather shook his head a sighed as he replied "Ashamed."
    David

    2008 Mobius LSV, Gravity III , Wake Plate, Z5, Exile SX65c's, Exile XM9s, Exile XI12D, Exile Harpoon, Exile SM600.1 , Exile Xi800.4.

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