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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #71
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    California
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    2,840

    Default

    Mystery solved!

    2012.jpg
    2007 Mobius LSV

  2. #72
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Land O Lakes, Florida
    Posts
    5,908

    Default

    "The World’s Shortest Psychiatric Joke"

    A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of
    Saran Wrap.

    The psychiatrist says, ‘Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”



























    Hey, Its Moomba time

    13 Mobius LSV
    08 Mobius LSV-sold
    03 Mobius LSV-sold
    life is about finding the balance between being a responsible adult and staying young at heart

  3. #73
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,389

    Default

    I think I know that guy.
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  4. #74
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    s.e. washington state
    Posts
    2,119

    Default

    An 80-year-old Texas rancher goes to the Mayo clinic in
    Rochester for a check-up
    The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,
    'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'

    'I'm from Texas and in my spare time I like to fish says the old
    guy, 'and that's why I'm In such good shape. I'm up well before
    daylight riding herd and mending fences and when I'm not doing
    that, I'm out fishing. In the evening, I have a beer and all is well.'

    'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be
    more to it. How old was your father when he died?'

    'Who said my father's dead?'

    The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your
    father's still alive? How old is he?'

    'He's 100 years old,' says the old Texan. 'In fact he worked with
    and fished with me this morning. '

    'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to
    it than that. How about your father's father? How old was he when
    he died?'

    'Who said my Grandpa's dead?'

    Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your
    grandfathers' still alive?'

    'He's 118 years old,' says the man.

    The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went
    fishing with you this morning too?'

    'No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting
    married today.'

    At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married!! Why
    would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?'

    'Who said he wanted to?'
    1998 Mobius
    310 HP PCM

  5. #75
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,389

    Default Christmas stuff yet?

    The Easy Way:
    Attached Images Attached Images
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  6. #76
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    s.e. washington state
    Posts
    2,119

    Default Viking Fans Doing A Little Bragging..lol

    92154_la.jpg


    They do have a point!
    1998 Mobius
    310 HP PCM

  7. #77
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    s.e. washington state
    Posts
    2,119

    Default

    A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling
    back and forth.
    A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?"
    "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.
    The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

    "It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.

    About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging
    out of his fly for all
    the world to see.He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are
    exposing yourself?"

    Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without
    missing a beat
    blurts out....

    "Ah Hell!... My girlfriend's gone, too!!
    1998 Mobius
    310 HP PCM

  8. #78
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,389

    Default Two old drunks

    I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us.

    I told my friend "That's us in 10 years".

    He said "That's a mirror, dip-$hit!
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  9. #79
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    11,389

    Default Golf one

    On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his
    cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just
    been in a accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.

    The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be
    there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what
    was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf.

    He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the
    hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting
    a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and
    beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant....

    Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital.
    He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

    The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your
    round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!"

    "While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the
    country club your wife has been suffering in the ICU! It's just as
    well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than
    likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the
    clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will
    have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be
    spoon fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care."

    The man broke down and sobbed.

    The doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just joking with you. She's dead.....
    What'd you shoot?"
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    Exile Tunes
    PWI
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  10. #80
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Kaukauna, WI - 3minutes from glass
    Posts
    1,763

    Default

    >>>>>God Loves Drunk People Too
    A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00am by a loud pounding on the door.
    The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

    "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
    He slams the door and returns to bed.

    "Who was that?" asked his wife.

    "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

    "Did you help him?" she asks.

    "No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there!"

    "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know."

    The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.

    He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

    "Yes," comes back the answer.

    "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

    "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

    "Where are you?" asks the husband.



    "Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..
    -Mark
    14 Mojo - Waiting patiently for my build date.
    02 Mobius LSV ---- Sold and always will be remembered as the one that started it all.

    "Hey you only live once"

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